Title: Dark Lord of my Heart
Pairing: Cedric is madly in love with Voldemort
Word count: 373
A/N: Don’t ask. Please. ^^;;;
Voldemort sat down for his afternoon tea, exhausted. “By Circes, you wouldn’t think there’d be so much paperwork involved in offing the Good.”
“You offed me, too, you know,” a voice said from somewhere above the Dark Lord’s head. He sighed.
“I told you, Diggory, you deserved to be offed. You’re a relentless little brat.”
“But that’s why you love me.”
“I don’t love you! Killing you does not imply undying devotion!” The Ghost of Cedric floated down to hover at Voldemort’s feet.
“That’s not what the undying ghost body says.”
Voldemort took a long drink of tea before responding. “The undying ghost is delusional.”
Cedric’s otherworldly eyes filled with ghostly tears. “But…but…what about that night in the mansion?”
“I told you, I was drunk. Can’t you accept that?”
“No! I can’t!” Cedric’s ghost sobbed and flew to the ceiling, standing on the edge of the ornate chandelier. “If you don’t love me…I’ll kill myself!”
He Who Must Not Be Named rolled his eyes. “Do it, then.” Cedric let his ethereal body fall to the floor, and straight through to the floor below.
The Dark Lord rolled his shoulders and called in one of his many minions to refill his teacup. After casting Cruciatus to remind the scum to be faster about it next time, he settled back into his chair and picked through his post, smiling at the nice scene of the Malfoys in Hawaii. They were indeed loyal, and deserved a nice vacation. He made a mental note to send them a card and maybe some flowers.
He continued flipping through the post. “Bills…bills…I’ve already won a million Galleons…death threat…more bills…” he groaned. “Why must being evil automatically take away all chance for me to get a date?”
“You’ve got one right in front of you, Voldy, lovely!”
“Not you again! What’s the ghost version of Avada Kedavra?”
“You’ll never be rid of me, Dark Lord of my Heart.”
“Not even with an exorcist?” Cedric grinned and shook his head.
Voldemort was sorely tempted to Avada Kedavra the spirit until he, too, was gone. “I don’t need a date for anything that badly, Diggory.”
Cedric’s eyes filled with tears, and he flew to the top of the chandelier.
“Oh, not again…”
That, my friends, is what started this all. You just read an historical document. Shudder in the face of greatness.